The conversational ‘tick’ of acknowledging the other person’s pushback as being a “good question”

I just sat through a couple of meetings.

Since they were so **interesting** as well as **not a waste of time at all** I couldn’t help but concentrate on the non-issues. Inside this large universe of almost any worthy topic in the universe I chose to occupy myself with a tiny sliver out of the meta-data aspect of the meeting, which I find worthy of these few lines of text:

Why is it, that when people are asked to respond to a question by a fellow conversant, they always shove in there the usually irrelevant: “well that’s a very good question”, or the more elaborate, “those are all very good questions”.

First option: This is just a fancy form of ahmmmm. Possibly.

Second option: communicate something along the lines of the following “we are not dueling. I acknowledge you as a positive entity”. In other words, it is a framing of the discussion as part of an amicable, rather than an adversary interaction. Possibly.

Third option: signaling something like “you may think you are threatening me, but you aren’t. I’ll enjoy answering your question. Maybe so.

Fourth option: assuring the inquirer in a slightly condescending way “yes, you took the risk and you did fine my friend”. Maybe.

1 – 4 options are all annoying. More than ahmmm utterances, more then any other forms of pacification, assurance, framing. A social tick. Let’s get back to nervous eyebrow quiver.

uh-oh, "that's a very complicated question".

*** note the image change. Updated picture from our half-year old apartment in San Francisco

There is just too much focus of public interest organizations on privacy.

Not to say that privacy on the internet isn’t important. (or to say… I’m not sure). Let’s say that it is. Let’s say that it is VERY important. In fact, I myself think that anonymity is one of the most wonderful things that the internet could potentially provide for global society as an important social and psychological good. BUT:

There is just so much to do in other areas. Discussing privacy is so reactive. There are so many active things that need to be done by these organizations.

For example – and this is off of the top of my head – thinking much more broadly about the right policy for the internet?? Striking guidelines for how tort/criminal law should work over the internet?  Writing white papers about how to solve jurisdictional issues that arise?  Discuss rights more broadly – for example, right of access to the internet over the world, for example, how freedom of speech obligates commercial parties who are active on the web? Etc. etc. etc.

The recent results of the Pew survey with respect to millennial just adds support to this point.

I think it is clear why this is: Everybody supports privacy. It's an easy agenda to subscribe to. So commercial companies are using it as a leverage board for their suffering reputations and supporting civil society organizations to pursue privacy as a goal for this purpose. Politicians can assign to it too. Great. The problem is that other issues, issues that really need civil society as a counter-balance for corporate interests and voter outreach efforts are left dangling.

* Apartment! Midday.

Well… another person has been born again in Jerkdom and I thought it would be good to send you this update.

Background:

As many of you know, Y and I bought and lifted heavy wine barrels in order to plant plants in our Berkeley apartment’s deck. This was no simple task. The containers where expensive and heavy to lift, but we loved them. To complete the task we brought numerous beautiful plants, many of them from the Berkeley Botanical garden which we frequented in order to find the most beautiful saplings. Then we lovingly nurtured them. Even our neighbors helped with that – when we had to travel somewhere they were more than willing to help. And so in response the plants thrived to the point where they were the thing that we had the toughest time leaving behind.

When we did, we told our landlord that we would like to grab the containers at least, thinking to start over in our new place. But lo and behold: the man had already told the new tenants that we are leaving the plants as a gift. Problem.

Now what would the non-jerk person do to solve this quandary? As I pride myself on being a non-jerk, I can tell you: the non-jerk would offer to reimburse us. Especially since we discussed this and were willing to be reimbursed just for the containers and not for the plants (considering that we believed that the plants will not make the trip anyway).

Since he didn’t, Y suggested it. Male LL was shaken up by the suggestion. Said he will consult with Female LL.  

So the two of them sat together until Eureka! They found a way to screw us and now they are walking around smiling: We had the cleaner come the day after we left and so we need to pay for the extra night. How gratifying!

To this of course he agreed explicitly. What’s more: when Y and I were in Israel we let them stay in the apartment. For that of course we were not reimbursed. But.. jerks will be jerks. I am not going to bother.

Thank you though Paul and Sylvia. I will always think of you with affection.

That's it. I have decided to change route and aspire to becoming the perfect wife. I just know I can be good at that. In fact, I am starting to suspect that I should have known this all along, as my natural purpose. Yes, I can feel it in my ovaries - finally, I have my direction.

First and foremost, I am going to refrain from dealing with any type of professional which isn't the cable guy, the plumber, the grocer, the dressmaker etc... I can go on and on but I know that by now you are catching my drift. I am happy to report that finally I have come to the conclusion that all these interactions with academia professionals are standing in my way of becoming expert at wifing so I am going to put that into a halt since from now on, to allow myself to concentrate on my recently identified target.

And so I am going to get up early in the morning. Prepare coffee and eggs. Smile and chat frivolously in order to make sure that Y leaves home with a song in his heart. When he decides to leave I am going to kiss him with fervor so that he knows that at home he has a loving wife and that he can go out into the world full of manly confidence. As soon as he is out the door I am going to start fulfilling my chores one after the next with the ability of an apt homemaker. And let me tell you, I am just busy busy busy. I need to: wash the dishes, call the guy from the air conditioner company, start working on dinner, send Y’s shirts to the dry cleaners, clean the leaves off of the balcony, work on the menu for the dinner party which I have planned for the weekend to which I invited Y’s boss and his wife – this is making me kind of nervous, I hear her canard a l’orange is unheard of. After that I have to go buy a beer keg for Y’s Thursday poker night as well as flour for the home-baked nachos I am going to prepare for the guys (yummy!). I have to get all that finished before my wax, nails and hairdresser appointment at 5PM. That will probably take me around two hours. Just enough time to get home for setting the table and doing the final stage of my Beef wellington before Y gets home famished as usual.

I have to stop now. Y just told me – very authoritatevly I might add – to get back to my studies. Gotta go now – you understand…